Postpartum Resentment: The Thing We’re Not Supposed to Talk About
Let’s get something out in the open:
I love my baby.
I love being a mom.
But there are days — tired, raw, overstimulated days — when love gets tangled up with something heavier:
Resentment.
It’s not cute. It’s not filtered. It’s not the version of motherhood we see on Instagram.
But it’s real. And you’re not a bad mom for feeling it.
What Postpartum Resentment Looks Like
It sneaks up in moments like this:
When your partner gets to sleep through the night while you’re up for the third feed
When someone casually says, “Just nap when the baby naps”
When you’re touched out, emotionally drained, and still the only one who knows where the damn pacifiers are
When you can’t remember the last time you ate a hot meal, showered uninterrupted, or made a decision based on your needs
It’s not always loud or dramatic.
Sometimes it’s just a quiet ache that says:
“Why am I the only one whose life changed this much?”
Why It Feels So Heavy
Because we were told this would be beautiful.
Because we wanted this.
Because we feel guilty admitting that parts of motherhood feel unfair.
And because we were never really warned that even in the deepest love, there can also still be grief —
Grief for your independence, your energy, your autonomy, your old self.
It’s Not Just Hormones. It’s the Mental Load.
Postpartum resentment isn’t just about being tired.
It’s often about carrying the invisible weight of motherhood.
Things like:
Remembering every doctor appointment
Knowing which size diapers you’re almost out of
Anticipating meltdowns, managing routines, and constantly being “on”
Feeling like if you don’t do it, it won’t get done — or won’t get done right
This emotional labor isn’t imaginary. And it builds up fast.
What Helps (Even a Little)
No quick fixes here — just a few things that might lighten the load:
Say It Out Loud
Tell a friend, your partner, your therapist, your journal. The silence around resentment only makes it grow.
Ask for Specific Help
Don’t just say, “I need help.” Say: “Can you do bath tonight?” or “Please pack the diaper bag for tomorrow.”
Take Tiny Breaks (Without Guilt)
You don’t need to earn rest. A ten-minute scroll, a slow snack, or a shower with the door locked counts.
Forgive Yourself
Resentment doesn’t mean you love your baby less. It means you’re human — and stretched.
Final Thought
You are not weak for feeling this.
You are not ungrateful.
You are a mother navigating the most intense emotional, hormonal, and identity shift of your life — and you are doing your best.
So if no one’s told you lately:
You’re allowed to feel everything.
Even the messy stuff.
Especially the messy stuff.
And you’re not alone — not even close.
